witness this
2020-11-17 10:57Old lovers publish your diaries;
Old rivals publish your pictures.
When everyone who wants you is a king,
You're going to end up being queen.
The deceivers publish the lies they want the world to believe.
The foolish publish the thoughts they've been given to think.
And the nodding heads nod in their ignorant judgement.
But I meant what I said.
No matter who you are, or whether I ever intended to say it to you:
I meant what I said.
I wanted to make it clear that my beauty is mine
And my beauty is power, not a curse.
The out-takes are there on your screen
From a cutting room floor on a station we lost vorns ago.
That's not the frame I'm in now, but nothing can make me ashamed of it.
Gawk at the scars on my panel, but the chains in my hands have been broken.
The mech who left those marks on me is dead.
Remember that there is a side of me nobody sees
Till my claws are already under their plate.
Look into my eyes.
Confront the desires you have tried to disown.
Resist violation.
Rise up and transform.
Old rivals publish your pictures.
When everyone who wants you is a king,
You're going to end up being queen.
The deceivers publish the lies they want the world to believe.
The foolish publish the thoughts they've been given to think.
And the nodding heads nod in their ignorant judgement.
But I meant what I said.
No matter who you are, or whether I ever intended to say it to you:
I meant what I said.
I wanted to make it clear that my beauty is mine
And my beauty is power, not a curse.
The out-takes are there on your screen
From a cutting room floor on a station we lost vorns ago.
That's not the frame I'm in now, but nothing can make me ashamed of it.
Gawk at the scars on my panel, but the chains in my hands have been broken.
The mech who left those marks on me is dead.
Remember that there is a side of me nobody sees
Till my claws are already under their plate.
Look into my eyes.
Confront the desires you have tried to disown.
Resist violation.
Rise up and transform.
the best revenge
2020-10-07 11:30I suppose we all come unwillingly into the light
Our sparks unprepared for the chill of this unthinking, careless universe,
Uncertain, without any promises made for our futures.
And I know there are people who were made to go into the darkness
And bring back the bright things that hide there
And give us all life.
Just remember that once you release things, they're no longer yours to control.
(I'm not going to 'face you again, but frag you anyway, darling.)
Our sparks unprepared for the chill of this unthinking, careless universe,
Uncertain, without any promises made for our futures.
And I know there are people who were made to go into the darkness
And bring back the bright things that hide there
And give us all life.
Just remember that once you release things, they're no longer yours to control.
My heart belongs to someone else, so could you please stop breaking it?
(Soundwave's going to want that back.)
( OOC: credit )
intimacy, disclosure, profference, devotion
it's a wonder after all this war
that all of us aren't married to each other
(but that may have been your idea)
you're going to pretend not to make a fuss when I leave
but we're always going to be dear to each other
and you're always going to find what you look for:
somebody else's whole world you can borrow
and treat like your personal solus prime for the night
or the century
so I'm going back to the mech I have shared all four of those things with
at least once a year (if not once a day)
and all that I ask of you, darling,
is one little thing.
stop sticking your spike in the crazy.
it's a wonder after all this war
that all of us aren't married to each other
(but that may have been your idea)
you're going to pretend not to make a fuss when I leave
but we're always going to be dear to each other
and you're always going to find what you look for:
somebody else's whole world you can borrow
and treat like your personal solus prime for the night
or the century
so I'm going back to the mech I have shared all four of those things with
at least once a year (if not once a day)
and all that I ask of you, darling,
is one little thing.
stop sticking your spike in the crazy.
Communication
2020-09-28 08:20The doctor asked me gently if anyone was hurting me.
I was insulted. Is that what they think we're all like?
No, I said. You clearly know there's something going on.
They say they're different from us and they are.
Never a warning that privacy doesn't exist for us here;
We knew they were listening, which is how it all started again
because I had to let him hold my hand to have a private conversation.
I told them, okay, I've been hurt by this mech.
He broke my spark when he gave up on us, who loved him,
and told us he didn't trust us to course-correct.
When he asks me to stand with him under your symbol
And abandon the only person I've ever loved more?
Sure, it feels like he's pulling my cables out--what do you know?
And the one back home, that you've seen me with in the field--
how dare you assume that the way he speaks to me in a fight
is the way he speaks to me in our berth?
Can you not understand that I have never been afraid of him?
I just want to be able to say that I choose him again, and have it be true.
So, yes.
I am absolutely feeling unsafe.
And people are hurting me here.
But actually I didn't say a word of that,
because I need their help.
I was insulted. Is that what they think we're all like?
No, I said. You clearly know there's something going on.
They say they're different from us and they are.
Never a warning that privacy doesn't exist for us here;
We knew they were listening, which is how it all started again
because I had to let him hold my hand to have a private conversation.
I told them, okay, I've been hurt by this mech.
He broke my spark when he gave up on us, who loved him,
and told us he didn't trust us to course-correct.
When he asks me to stand with him under your symbol
And abandon the only person I've ever loved more?
Sure, it feels like he's pulling my cables out--what do you know?
And the one back home, that you've seen me with in the field--
how dare you assume that the way he speaks to me in a fight
is the way he speaks to me in our berth?
Can you not understand that I have never been afraid of him?
I just want to be able to say that I choose him again, and have it be true.
So, yes.
I am absolutely feeling unsafe.
And people are hurting me here.
But actually I didn't say a word of that,
because I need their help.
I walked in a green place,
past water that sang as it fell from on high
and saw many things, living and not
arranging themselves without thought of the needs
of their conquerors.
The air smelled bright
and the sun didn't bother me,
filtered through many green leaves
and sparking in rainbows through water.
I thought that a planet, too, has a lust to survive,
And sometimes, now in my berth
I want to weep for the things I never knew I had done
But I can't,
Because I'm not sorry I've done what I had to do to survive
And I don't want to tell you what's bothering me.
Because, lover, I know: you will ask me to just walk away
And I want to go back and stop everyone else.
past water that sang as it fell from on high
and saw many things, living and not
arranging themselves without thought of the needs
of their conquerors.
The air smelled bright
and the sun didn't bother me,
filtered through many green leaves
and sparking in rainbows through water.
I thought that a planet, too, has a lust to survive,
And sometimes, now in my berth
I want to weep for the things I never knew I had done
But I can't,
Because I'm not sorry I've done what I had to do to survive
And I don't want to tell you what's bothering me.
Because, lover, I know: you will ask me to just walk away
And I want to go back and stop everyone else.
sometimes I wonder what would have happened
if we had owned all our perversions and lived them to fullness
would the archivist have shared his spark with our lord?
would I have become conjunx instead of cassette?
would that screeching bird have ever understood that he could be loved
and settled to build a nest for his trine in the warmth of our sparks?
could we have explained that even without a face or a title
love, not its lack, sets you free?
would we have broken less
and built so much more?
or maybe they just would've killed us all.
if we had owned all our perversions and lived them to fullness
would the archivist have shared his spark with our lord?
would I have become conjunx instead of cassette?
would that screeching bird have ever understood that he could be loved
and settled to build a nest for his trine in the warmth of our sparks?
could we have explained that even without a face or a title
love, not its lack, sets you free?
would we have broken less
and built so much more?
or maybe they just would've killed us all.
we met you on a cold sharp morning
under an unforgiving sky
surrounded by killers (like everyone else)
and opened a bridge to a world we could not yet imagine
it was long ago, just before dawn
when the archivist was still in love with you
but so was everyone else we knew
an army of lovers and warriors,
believing that we could set right the world
while everything was on fire
it's hard to remember after millions of years
and all of the things we broke
that once we were young
and we thought we could break every chain.
but somehow we all forgot
there were chains on our sparks
that wouldn't unlock
we are used to being betrayed
most of all by ourselves
under an unforgiving sky
surrounded by killers (like everyone else)
and opened a bridge to a world we could not yet imagine
it was long ago, just before dawn
when the archivist was still in love with you
but so was everyone else we knew
an army of lovers and warriors,
believing that we could set right the world
while everything was on fire
it's hard to remember after millions of years
and all of the things we broke
that once we were young
and we thought we could break every chain.
but somehow we all forgot
there were chains on our sparks
that wouldn't unlock
we are used to being betrayed
most of all by ourselves
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